Ideas

So I'm in this dumb Anthropology class. Which should really be called an African Studies class because all the professor knows about is Africa. And I guess this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I just feel like it's a misleading title for a joke of a general ed. Seriously, that class is lame. Here's a picture of a cute African baby we watched a movie about once.

That's my boy Ponijao. He's a pretty chill negro.

Anyways, we have to read this dumb book that the professor wrote called "An Introduction to Anthropology." And, surprisingly, I actually find this book kind of interesting on occasion. Last week we read about the origin of ideas. I was fascinated by this chapter. Not fascinated enough to write thoughtful answers on the assignment, but enough to actually spend time thinking about this throughout the rest of the week.

It discussed how people come to have different ideas on things and how ideas become truths. And I got to thinking about this. Where did my ideas come from? Why do I believe the things I believe? How come I can accept that there are however many billion stars in the universe, but I don't trust a sign that says "Wet Paint"?

The book talks about ideas relating to an Anthropological standpoint. Which is boring to me. So of course, I related it to things that I care about. And that generally involves comedy and funny pictures of cats on the internet. How do people come up with funny things? I like to think that I'm a pretty clever guy, but then I go on the interned and I am blown away by how brilliant these people are, whoever they are. Take, for example, this picture I found the other day.

It's freaking genius. I had always just assumed pencil sharpeners were magical machines that somehow made your pencil sharper. I would never have thought to put a mini lumberjack inside of them though! It's incredible, the amount of genius you can find out there. There's also a lot of filth, but let's not get into that *cough*BYU Memes*cough*

So what makes these things funny? Is it the unexpectedness? Is it the imaginative acceptability? Does that last sentence even make sense to anyone other than myself? I've contemplated this question for a long time, and never really gotten anywhere. This is as close as I ever got to an answer.

Except imagine me passed out in a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles. Granted the cat is cuter though.

So I didn't really have any groundbreaking ideas to discuss here, I was just thinking out loud. Or thinking in text I guess. And I needed an excuse to put up some of these pictures I've found. Let's see if I can throw one more in there before the end of this.

Now with an abrupt topic change, Conquistador History Month seems to be going fairly well. I haven't been keeping up like I had hoped at one point, but my fellow conquistadors really took the idea to heart. Shout out to my homies and fellow conquistadors Emily Stewart and Olga Belikov. They have single-handedly kept the tradition alive where I have slacked. Our venture to California yielded even more conquering expeditions, including one Huntington Beach and a shopping cart in the middle of an intersection at three in the morning. There's only a week left, so I encourage everyone to do their best to conquer those things that they've always wanted to conquer.

Someday I will figure out what makes things funny and how we come up with these ideas. And when I do figure it out, I expect I'll look something like this:

The Mormonized World

So I made the decision in my life to come to this school called Brigham Young University. And don't get me wrong, I really do love this school. I have met some incredible people here and am learning wonderful things every day. Well, mostly every day. But anyways, as you probably know, this school is very Mormon. Which makes sense, as 98.6% of the students here are LDS and it is a designated religious school supported by the church and the First Presidency. All great stuff. And before I continue, I want to clarify that I know the church is true, and this post is in no way an affront to the Mormon religion.

If any of you have a Facebook and are friends with people at BYU, odds are very high that in the last three days your news feed has been assaulted by posts from a page called BYU memes. BYU memes was created by a good friend of mine and, I must admit, is an utterly genius idea. Taking memes, which are already hilarious on their own, and applying them to the stereotypes at BYU opens the door to a gold mine of comedy. And at first, the posts were of the utmost quality. Few people knew about it and those that did were willing to put in the time to come up with clever, insightful jokes about BYU. But over the next day, almost one thousand people joined this new page. And with more followers to the page, came more frequent posts at a hugely degraded quality.

The creators of the page are sick of the garbage that is put up and they're tired of people putting up offensive things and complaining when they are taken down. I have actually tried to avoid Facebook today because I don't want to see anymore stupid people posting stupid memes about BYU.

I do have a reason for telling this drawn-out story though, aside from purely venting my bitter anger and hate towards people who discover the internet and suck at it. It made me realize that when people take worldly things and try to Mormonize them, they end up being terrible. And this is only one example. Let's move onto another favorite topic of mine, movies.

Mormons have this thing with movies that is simply retarded. They feel that if someone goes through and edits out all of the bad parts that it becomes an okay movie to watch. First off, this straight up ruins the movie. Having seen a few of these edited movies myself, I find that it is truly a stupid practice. If you don't want to see these things, then don't watch the movie. Cutting out all of the bad parts of a film is like dropping food on the ground, brushing off some of the visible dust on it, and still eating it. Sure your bagel bite might look clean, but you did drop it on the floor and it's probably covered in invisible filth, especially if it's in the Cannon Center. On top of that, the edited versions really suck compared to the original. They take out so much of the film that it oftentimes becomes choppy and unclear in places. I believe that it ruins the integrity of the film. Just an example of Mormons taking something great (movies), and by Mormonizing them (editing), they become lame.

Another example is curse words. Mormons have taken curse words, altered them, made them stupid, and use them on a regular basis like they are the coolest ideas imaginable. Take, for example, the changing of "hella cool" to "hecka cool." Now you just sound ridiculous. Or perhaps "fetching" instead of the F-word. Not that I advocate the usage of said word, but if "fetching" is the best you can come up with as a substitute, then just don't talk. By saying "fetching," you have the same intent as saying the actual word, but you sound dumb as a brick. Again, not that I support the use of any curse words, but I hate that Mormons feel the need to swear, and so come up with these ridiculous substitutions. And if your alternate word sounds normal and flows well, I will gladly approve of it. Otherwise, Mormonized swearing is really a blight on our Mormon culture.

I guess that's enough ranting for now. But just watch out for examples of Mormonization in your world. I guarantee that if you are Mormon, you'll be able to find plenty of examples. And this isn't to say that everything Mormon is bad, I just find that when Mormons get ahold of good things, they oftentimes become crappy. So my advice to you I guess is to keep it real. Don't try to make things fit your culture. Accept them for what they are, whether good or bad, and let them be. Trust me, it will work out in everyone's best interest.

Conquering the World

The support for Conquistador History Month has been unprecedented over the last week. You guys sure do know how to conquer for king and country. I want to share some pictures of two fellow conquistadors who truly took the idea of Conquistador History Month to heart. These girls knew the plan and didn't take no for an answer.

People had no idea what had hit them. The conquerings continued as people would leave their doors open, only to return and have various objects in their room now under the command of the glorious nation of Spain. It was truly a genius plan, one that would have been honored highly by the conquistadors of old. 

I encourage everyone to keep up the excellent work and continue reporting any and all conquering that occurs over the next week.

Conquistador History Month

At long last, the time has come. It is time to celebrate the month we have all been waiting for. Conquistador History Month. The time when we celebrate those brave souls who ventured across the Atlantic Ocean to conquer the New World. To pillage, plunder, and rape the natives until they were completely subordinate. Oh and a lot of quality killing as well. It is a month of joy and prosperity for all.

What's that you say? Something about February being Black History Month? That used to be the case. We used to view the month of February as a time to honor the African Americans in our past who have helped make our magnificent country what it is today. But really, did blacks ever do anything with their month? I guess we had a few special presentations about civil rights and whatnot. But I always find that watching Remember the Titans is about all the civil rights activism I can handle in a two hour period. The real answer is no. February has never really been fully utilized as Black History Month.

So what happened was the conquistadors decided to make the best of this opportunity and conquer the month of February in the name of Spain and all other conquistadors. And now it belongs to them. February is no longer a month to celebrate our black heritage, but now a month to learn of the great men who conquered the New World. Who came and took what they wanted, killing any indigenous peoples in their way. It's a month to take the things you want; to conquer those things that should belong to you. And to do it all in the name of Spain.

Any act of conquering, regardless of size, is still a great honor to the conquistadors of the past. I plan to claim the entire Cannon Center for my king and country this week. I will be claiming it in the name of Spain and giving the glory to His Majesty, King Phillip III. I may not have immediate command over the Cannon Center, but it will be mine nonetheless.

I want to encourage all of my readers to conquer something this week. Be it something as simple as the food on your plate at dinner, a drinking fountain, a post on Facebook; almost anything can be claimed in the name of Spain. You don't need anything special to conquer something. All you have to do is announce to all around you that you are claiming said object in the name of Spain. Please let me know anything you have conquered so we can celebrate your success.

I know that this idea of Conquistador History Month is a new concept for most people and it might not make immediate sense. But worry not, because I am here to clear up any confusion about this month of glory. I will be posting periodically all month about some of my favorite conquistadors in history. Hopefully that will inspire people to go out and conquer. In the meantime, I'm going to end with another obscure song. It's by a rap group called Binary Star. In this song, they discuss how they are taking over the rap game. Listening to it is a great way to get in the mood to conquer anything.

Good luck out there to all of my fellow conquistadors. By the end of this month, I want everyone to be able to claim that their life is also like the Otis video on repeat.