Conquistador History Month

At long last, the time has come. It is time to celebrate the month we have all been waiting for. Conquistador History Month. The time when we celebrate those brave souls who ventured across the Atlantic Ocean to conquer the New World. To pillage, plunder, and rape the natives until they were completely subordinate. Oh and a lot of quality killing as well. It is a month of joy and prosperity for all.

What's that you say? Something about February being Black History Month? That used to be the case. We used to view the month of February as a time to honor the African Americans in our past who have helped make our magnificent country what it is today. But really, did blacks ever do anything with their month? I guess we had a few special presentations about civil rights and whatnot. But I always find that watching Remember the Titans is about all the civil rights activism I can handle in a two hour period. The real answer is no. February has never really been fully utilized as Black History Month.

So what happened was the conquistadors decided to make the best of this opportunity and conquer the month of February in the name of Spain and all other conquistadors. And now it belongs to them. February is no longer a month to celebrate our black heritage, but now a month to learn of the great men who conquered the New World. Who came and took what they wanted, killing any indigenous peoples in their way. It's a month to take the things you want; to conquer those things that should belong to you. And to do it all in the name of Spain.

Any act of conquering, regardless of size, is still a great honor to the conquistadors of the past. I plan to claim the entire Cannon Center for my king and country this week. I will be claiming it in the name of Spain and giving the glory to His Majesty, King Phillip III. I may not have immediate command over the Cannon Center, but it will be mine nonetheless.

I want to encourage all of my readers to conquer something this week. Be it something as simple as the food on your plate at dinner, a drinking fountain, a post on Facebook; almost anything can be claimed in the name of Spain. You don't need anything special to conquer something. All you have to do is announce to all around you that you are claiming said object in the name of Spain. Please let me know anything you have conquered so we can celebrate your success.

I know that this idea of Conquistador History Month is a new concept for most people and it might not make immediate sense. But worry not, because I am here to clear up any confusion about this month of glory. I will be posting periodically all month about some of my favorite conquistadors in history. Hopefully that will inspire people to go out and conquer. In the meantime, I'm going to end with another obscure song. It's by a rap group called Binary Star. In this song, they discuss how they are taking over the rap game. Listening to it is a great way to get in the mood to conquer anything.

Good luck out there to all of my fellow conquistadors. By the end of this month, I want everyone to be able to claim that their life is also like the Otis video on repeat.